I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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