We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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