don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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