I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
