just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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