SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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