The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
