if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
