guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have post one night stand depression
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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