Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
