some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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