just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
