is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
