grandma shit on top of the toilet
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
