she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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