I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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