I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
