Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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