Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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