I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
