I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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