Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
