You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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