is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
