I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
