If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
