he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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