I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
