I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
