I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
