it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
