did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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