My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
