So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
