I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
