I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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