New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Bring me that man meat
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
