Tell her she can't have a vagina
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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