gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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