I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My vagina is officially offended.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
