Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
