I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
