You're my little dorito
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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