The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
