just tell him i said nine months
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
