awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
