....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
