Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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