they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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