is your mom at the bar?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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