It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
