Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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