"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i need some magic done to my vagina
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
